Saturday, November 21, 2009

In the past week so much has happened. I find myself still trying to digest the things that happened the day before, only to have to put that to the side and deal with the things happening in front of me. This way of living doesn't much suit me-- I'm the daydreaming type who likes to savor my experiences. But I suppose, when things finally stop, I'll have all the dull hours of the day to contemplate.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I'm 18 now, and the future I envisioned of for myself, vague, and surreal as a predicted dream turned out nothing like I expected. Things are moving so fast now. But then, I think I like things that way.

I remember the fires on the hillside at night. Horrible as it is, I thought it was beautiful. Because when the world burns, everything is moving.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Today I learned what happens when I treat people like canvases.

Everything became an illusion of the ideal. Then the tiny tear occurs, and I can't help but peek inside and take a glimpse at what the world really looks like.

And what a disappointment it was. Everything beautiful remained so, just so hopelessly out of reach that I couldn't help but smile like someone who appreciates a thorough, crushing defeat.

I wanted to live in an idealized world where everything was romantic-- but then things turn out human and--

Stars aren't really there-- just after images of things that died long ago. I guess I'm not making sense, but that's what I had to say, anyway.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Last night I was flipping through the channels. I came across this local cable channel, the very poor ones with used car commercials. The twilight channels between C-Span and Telemundo.

There was a very beautiful Japanese girl. She was wearing a silk bathrobe and was hounded by people. All men. Scruffy, or fat, or unclean. All taking photos. She disrobed and laid on a table in front of them. The crowd shouted all around her with their catcalls, their cameras flashed and flashed around her. They placed sushi on her naked porcelain skin and ate it off of her.

I guess it wasn't so bad, maybe I just don't understand the culture. But when I see the men calling and making their creepy, lustful faces I just can't help but feel sorry for that girl.

Maybe she likes doing that sort of thing-- and I hope she does, because that's a horrible thing to do if you don't want to.

But then, why would she want to do that?

I get a little sad when I see very beautiful girls who feel like they have to get naked, just to show a bunch of mindless people who don't even care about her, or what she could have been. What she is-- perhaps someone's mother or sister, girlfriend or childhood best friend.

And then maybe, that's just an understanding between those who participate in those kinds of things and those who spectate. The idea of watching someone get naked for you without having to deal with who they are. Because at that moment, you don't care.

I don't know. Even I know I'm being naive right now. But it just makes me a little sad.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

If life for you would replay itself over and over again for eternity without you knowing, in exactly the same way, would you be okay with that?

Think about it carefully.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Being impulsive.

On saturday, I sat in my room in disgust.

The sound of facebook poker rung obnoxiously outside my room, the chair creaking as the person who sat in it shifted their weight every so often.

In the room across from me, the t.v. blares its meaningless and trite talk. The person watching is sprawled out on the couch, inattentive.

I thought of mr. driscoll tearing that dollar-- saying tearing a dollar is the same as wasting a day--

and there I was, wasting 48 cents.

So, yearning for some sense of accomplishment, some feeling that my life isnt a total waste, I decided to go out for a bit. I didnt have plans so I was a bit hesitant, but I thought of my friends and classmates. Accomplished people who work, drove, had loving girlfriends, studied for tests and prepared for college... These thoughts spurred me on to stop standing still.

I didn't have any plans, so I decided to start at the library, my usual haunt.

Whilst passing through the park I saw the tujungans; indecent couples kissing on dirty graffitied tables, mothers scolding running children, and an old hump-backed woman, smiling as she dangled an empty dog-collar from her tiny pruned wrist. All people wanting something their own but never completely controlling it.

Inside the library, more people, no one browsing through the books on the shelves. Just children playing games on the computer, old people on laptops or watching videos.

I found a computer of my own and entered a chatroom, and talked for about an hour with someone claiming to be a beautiful half korean/italian model. Of course I knew she was lying. Her name, supposedly, was Rio Yuzuki and her picture was one obviously googled and stolen off the internet. I didn't mind though. I just talked to her. Tried to put myself in the shoes of an introvert lost in a sea of extroverts, to see what it was like to be desperate just to connect with someone.

I told her her name wasn't korean. And that I knew she was lying, and possibly not even a girl. I told her I didn't mind and just wanted to be friends and talk at leisure.

Her english wasn't good-- she called me a pervert and left.

After the library, I got on the bus. The 90 headed downtown. I didn't know where I wanted to get off-- I just decided to ride it until I found a nice place with lots to do. I must have gone all through foothill, finding nothing. I fell asleep and woke up in Glendale, where I decided to get off because the people behind me wanted to find the mall, but were lost.

I found the building, but it took me 15 minutes to get inside! I must have walked in a circle three times. But the air inside was nice and cool, and there were a lot of pretty girls. I guess it was a typical Saturday night. I walked around aimlessly, browsing the japanese culture store, and admiring the smell of fresh baked pretzels at the pretzel place. A rich, sweet smell.

I walked around doing nothing for 2 hours! And then that's when I decided what I could do. To see what it would be like to be impulsive for once. To not lay around in the hot, stagnant air of my room and wish for something to happen.

I got both my ears pierced!

I was afraid it would hurt, but thought of one of my favorite characters from a manga i've read before. He was a masochist.

I thought if I pretended I wanted to be hurt, it wouldn't be so bad. But it did hurt! She used a piercing gun. So it was quick, and the pain was stabbing shock that dulled into a slow aching pain in my ears.

I went home then, and everything seemed like a dream. Only the dull, throbbing pulses in my ears reminding me I'm alive.

Friday, February 20, 2009

We're on another quest. [2/20/09]

i dunno why i always write the date on my subject line when its always added in anyway above it. oh well.

today was what you could say to be the 2nd part of yesterday's events.

actually, isn't every day just a sequel of the day before it? haha instead of getting all philosophical about it, i'll just stop now

today was fun. thanks to jakrin, brandon and I got a ride to GCC to turn in our applications. edy came along just for fun

GCC has a nice campus, but nothing compared to UCLA! I really really fell in love with UCLA during the AcaDeca competition.. I hope to go there one day, and whats cool is alot of other people do too.

We arrived at GCC, got lost, and I was too shy to ask anyone for help aha, so Edy asked a random guy for me, and the guy said that since the admissions window was closed, we had to personally speak to the teacher and ask if we can take their class.

Luckily, I had my Glendale College brochure and found the name of the teacher and location of the class =]

We quickly headed there, led by Brandon, even though I thought he was going the wrong way at first, but it turns out we were in the right direction. We got lucky though, again! Right as we got there, the teacher was leaving! If we had gotten there seconds later, we wouldn't have found him.

Unfortunately, we didnt have the paperwork to join his class! He said we had to download yet another set of paperwork and turn that it tomorrow.

So now Brandon and I have to go to GCC again. And, in the morning. I wouldn't have minded so much going back again if it wasn't in the morning -.-

After wards, I gotta go home, then church, and then to Arleta for my sister's continued birthday celebration, haha. Not fun.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

We're on a Quest! [2/19/09]

Did I tell you about what we won in AcaDeca? I must have, but somewhere else.

The awards ceremony was pretty fun, and a has a story worthy of its own separate post, but I don't have the time. We did very well though! We improved our rank from last year by 22 spots, going from rank 52 to 34! This earned us the "Most Improved Award". Here's a list of other awards we won:

Kevin Kim - Bronze in Interview
Adrian Martinez - Gold in Interview, Silver in Speech (Correct me if im wrong lol)
Lucero Luna - Bronze in Speech and Interview
Me - Top Score on the team [not as big a deal as everyone else's awards] and Honorable Mention in Language and Literature [I ranked 7th in the district and only got that. haha.]
Evelyn Barkhodarian - Honorable Mention in Math [wtf she ranked 5th in the district! and only honorably mention???]

...But that's the old team, and we have a new team now.

Yup, new term, new classes... and the classes have been going well. Its been pretty uneventful. But today was fun! Or maybe I sort of made it fun.



Brandon and I were trying to get all our papers in order to sign up for P.E. classes at GCC. But it was a quest!

This is going to be a long story, so if you want, skip to the bottom and read the lesson you should learn from this....



During 4th period, we walked downstairs to speak to Barcenas about whether we could get high school p.e. credit for college p.e. courses, because we were missing p.e. credits because of AcaDeca. ...But he was in a meeting, so we couldn't speak to him!

"If only we had Lucero or Evelyn," Brandon said, "They could just walk in there and we wouldn't have to wait." Lucero and Evelyn are "well connected" students at school. Agreeing with him, I decided we should go find them, because we thought the application for GCC was due today.

We concluded they should be in Leadership, so we trudged across campus in the dreadful 68 degree heat to see them in the Leadership room, but they weren't there!

"You haven't seen them either?", Mr. Stirpe asked us, skeptical. "I haven't seen them all day. Supposedly they went to Mr. Ortiz's room to help out, but we sent someone there to get them and they weren't there."

Brandon and I nodded, concluding out next destination was Mr. Ortiz's room. But as we walked out he said, "Well I guess they can't say they were with Mr. Driscoll helping with AcaDeca, eh?"

We realized that now we really had to find Lucero and Evelyn-- to warn them not to use AcaDeca as an excuse for skipping class!

With even more graven a purpose, we set out on our mission.

We trudged to the farthest reaches of the campus, practically to Vons! We walked into Mr. Ortiz's room, and found no one but Mr. Ortiz.

"Lucero and Evelyn??" He said, in his trademark awesome manner of speaking, "Sure they were here... Over an hour ago."

"Do you know where they might have went?" I asked, hopeful.

"Hm. Now that you mention it," he said, "Gamer said something about going to work and offering them a ride home."

From this we realized that they had gone home. Defeated, we headed back to the office to see if Barcenas was out of his meeting yet, and suprisingly, he was.

We asked Barcenas our question, and he replied, "No idea. You're gonna have to speak to the Assistant Principal."

We groaned, and walked across the hall to the other office, and requested to speak with the Assistant Principal. We asked the receptionist, a weary looking elderly woman, who replied in a thick accent, "Does she know you're going to see her?"

"Uhm, no.." Brandon replied.

"Did she summon you?" She answered.

"No actually, we came here on our own accord. You see, we needed to talk to her about--"

"Did you make an appointment?" She interuppted.

"Well, no." Brandon said.

"Who's your counselor?" She asked.

"Ms. Carbone." Brandon replied.

"You can't see her without an appointment sorry. If you want you can fill out a request to see her."

Why the hell did she need to know who our counselor was? I thought.

So we walked out, practically giving up because filling out the papers would take too much time.

And thats when we found Lucero and Evelyn heading our way! It turns out they were grading papers in Kemple's class. Our papers. We flagged them down, and begged them to talk to the Assistant Principal for us. Shrugging, Lucero casually walked straight into the Assistant Principal's office and talked to her for us.

Quickly, Lucero reemerged from the room and said, "Nope you can't do that."

"What!??" Brandon and I exclaimed. "You'll have to just take P.E. over the summer." She said.

"Defeated!" I groaned, and we walked into the hall way. Brandon warned Evelyn and Lucero about Stirpe, and they were able to get out of trouble. But Brandon and I were now in deeper trouble--

"Fuck!! I don't wanna take P.E. over the summer!!" Brandon said.

After talking with Lucero and Evelyn for a while, Brandon asked,"So what's our next move??" I paused, thinking. "Well," I said, "Let's talk to Sam or Noemi first and see how they did it."

Sam and Noemi were the ones who gave us the idea of taking classes at GCC.

Sadly, we couldn't seem to find them on campus! Brandon had to catch his bus, so I was left alone to walk home, but on the way I wouldn't realize it, but I was about to get very lucky.

I stopped to talk to Lucero and Evelyn, who were waiting for a ride home.

As a side note, there was a very cute girl standing next to them. It seemed as if they knew each other. I was about to ask Lucero and Evelyn who she was, when suddenly out of the corner of my eye I spot Sam walking home!

I say a rushed goodbye to Lucero and Evelyn, and run to Sam, telling her about Brandon and I's predicament.

"Oh? She said," In her always far off and aloof way, "I can't help you, sorry. I'm not taking the classes for credit."

"Oh" I said, defeated once more. "...But Noemi is! You can talk to her!" Sam said.

"Where can I find her?" I asked, urgently. Sam took out her phone and called her. After a quick conversation she hung up the phone.

"She's in Journalism right now!" Said Sam. Realizing lady luck had given me a break, I quickly headed back toward the main building to find her. On the way however, I saw that mystery girl again, waiting by herself. Lucero and Evelyn had gone home.

I wondered if I should talk to her, but I was worried if I did, Noemi might leave...

I had to choose which was more important to me---

so I ran over to the mystery girl!



....Just kidding. I went to go see Noemi! After all, I couldn't even talked to her if I'd wanted to! I made a wise decision though, because Noemi was just finishing up and about to leave. After finding her, I told her about what the Assistant Principal had told Brandon and I, and she explained that the Assistnat Principal had been wrong, and it IS possible to transfer credit.

Now I had to get the counselor's signature. I headed, once again across campus to the FARTHER reaches of campus, nicknamed the Produce Corner of Vons because of how remote it was, to the Magnet Office. But to my dismay, the counselor was in a parent conference! Judith, who worked in the magnet office told me that it would take a long time for her to finish, and it might just be best to come back tomorrow... but I knew there was no tomorrow... [dun dun dun]

So Noemi and I decided to go to her counselor, in the hopes I could get it signed by her, but she had gone home. I told Noemi that I would try to see my counselor again, and that she could go home, and apologized for taking up so much of her time. She said it was okay, and headed home.

So now my only hope rested on whether or not my counselor was done with her meeting...

...and she was!

I had my application signed, and the school's seal affixed to the paper. But now I had one last thing I wanted to do-- see if that girl was still there.

I ran up to the corner of the school, and looked to see if she was still there. I saw someone sitting by the stairs, thinking it could have been her, but it was a long walk. And I knew I wouldn't have said anything anyway.

I headed home, relieved, and drank 4 cups of cold water =]

What should you learn from all this?

1. Spontaneity makes for an exciting life, even from the most mundane or stressful tasks.
2. It's easy to make life interesting if you put in the effort.
3. Never do things last minute.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Long Overdue Update and the End of Term B [2/9/09]

Well, it's been a long time. Where should I start?

School has been mostly uneventful since returning from spring break, with the exception of a few events, which I'll list right now:

On The Not So Silver Screen
GNT Productions, which is mine, Kevin's, Jakrin's, Brandon's, Edy's, and some of our other friends' movie productions name has just completed its latest and greatest film, "The Interviews of Death" ["Los Entrevistas de los Muertos" for the international release].

It was an intensive 2 days of filming, plus another day to complete the script and its subsequent spanish translation, and an especially grueling 7-8 hours of editing on my part.

The movie premiered with great success in places like Lever's class, the cheerleading room, and Mendelsohn's room. Look for it online, courtesy of our good friend, Alvin! =]


AcaDeca -- "WTF Its JACK!??"
Saturday was the final competition for this year's Academic Decathlon. [Unless you made it to state..]

It started off at around 5 am when I had to personally go inside Kevin's house EARLY in the morning, practically at night, and wake him up. I hope I didn't make anyone mad.

Thirty minutes or so later at Denny's where we celebrated Gamer's birthday while making sure we had a good breakfast before the competition.

The competition itself was in UCLA! I really really like the campus, albeit its the first one I've ever been to... but I love how there are so many things to do in one spot, and you're surrounded by so many cool people.

The first thing we did after checking in-- well, AFTER Lucero had her trainwreck interview with the newscaster there, was go to the arcade!

You'd better believe Verdugo's team would be the only one in the arcade while everyone else was frantically cramming for the coming tests, but we were already prepared =]

The arcade was sooo cool, it had puuuure japanese games haha.

After the tests, we were granted a break-- and we saw something that raised our morale---

...Jack!!! lmfao, it was so random. But after a grueling day of tests it was nice to see him, in his cortez's. It really energized the team.

After that, we wandered around campus, going back to the arcade, or jamba juice or whatever, and saw this huge class of japanese high school students, presumambly on a field trip. Ehehe, there was this one reallyyyyy gorgeous girl, like the only pretty one in the group. I think her friend noticed me gawking at her, lol.

Super Quiz was the fun part! We had a fun time just waiting to go out there, constantly making fun of this one team that had a pretty dumb outfit.

When we finally got into the gym, it was really amazing to see all the people, and the camera's. There was dramatic music.. cheering, and the room was packed with signs from different schools, and banners, etc.

I was up first for the Super Quiz, and I wasn't one bit nervous! I aced the quiz pretty much, getting a pretty decent score on it [7 out of 10].

Verdugo was right behind some of the best teams for a while.....

...until Honors team came up and choked. For a while, Verdugo was holding up a bunch of ones, sometimes even NOTHING. Gamer was pretty much the only one to score anything.

Still though, I was just glad I did well...

Afterwards I met up with my parents, and the whole team took a bunch of pictures. I didn't know where to look with all the cameras everywhere... sorta felt famous ahaha. Maybe they saw my movie?

Anyways, this post was long as hell. Sorry!