is life really that hard?

sigh.

something bad happens, and thats what i'd do. then i'd think, "what can i do?" then, of those things, i pick what do, then do it.

disregard lethargy, disregard emotion, disregard context.

if logically, pragmatically, it makes sense, its what you should do, and just follow through.

decide on a course, and follow through

its a sort of code i've tried to live by, i remember i got it off a japanese cartoon.

it was about giant fighting robots. and there was this boy, who was a pilot of one of them. he was in the middle of a war conflicted on what to do next. so what does his perfect pink haired girlfriend tell him? decide on a course and follow through. i was captivated ever since.

life is just so simple, now. i am lazy, but an essay is due. so what needs to be done? an essay. what do i do? the essay.

disregard emotion. disregard lethargy, escapism, and rationalizations, which are dangerous.

all there is is the task.

beware of rationalization-- the ultimate nemesis of the pragmatist-- rationalizations are sweet delusions that you allow to trick you into picking the most convenient yet unbeneficial way. then you find yourself in a hole, maybe because you wanted to be in one, for fun, or drama's sake, i dont know. that sickens me.



then there's the subject of complicated decisions.

just simplify.

are you in love? are you in love with two people?

you just ask yourself, considering the consequences, or not considering the consequences, what do you want?

then you just do it.

if you can't do it, then don't.

it's. so. easy.




i'm not sick-- but i don't understand-- or maybe i am sick-- i don't understand how people can so easily be overwhelmed or be so easy to rationalize.

its the quintissential way to live life, the way you want to.

what do you want? what do you need? what is the logical path, the utilitarian path, what is the most good you can do? the most logical choice of action, that benefits you the most.

what needs to be done for these things to happen?

then just do them. one step at a time.

you and i are the main characters to our lives, but we are nothing in the world. no one will care what you are going through, or why you are falling behind--

you can stop, rationalize complacency in mediocracy or even less than that-- die nobly, a martyr in your own eyes

but the world still sees you are mediocre and accomplished nothing.

there will be no consideration of how unfortunate and dramatic your life was, there will be no dramatic music, no scene of you, standing nobly at a cliff's edge while the wind blows at your back and the leaves swirl around you-- all there will be is you left behind.

what is best for you?

decide on a course and follow through.

homecoming game [10/25/08]

today was pretty good. i needed it to be good-- yesterday wasn't a very good day. my blue glasses broke!!

but today, it started out pretty average.

at lunch though, i bought my ticket for homecoming [yes im going!] and all that

on the way home from school, kevin and I were walking, and suddenly this lady comes out of her house and yells to these two old people in a car:

"TELL YOUR DAUGHTER TO STOP SUCKING DICK IN THE STREET OR ILL CALL THE COPSS!!!!"

the two old people just shrugged.

then we bumped into amy, who made us wait for her mom with her. i'm really too nice to her, she doesn't deserve it =P

then in front of my apartment, with TK, lauren, kevin, and uhh some guy, we thought of funny things to do with corn.



but the highlight of the day had to be the homecoming game!

it was so close! we were tied almost the whole game... for once the crowd was loud and cheering their hearts out for verdugo, just like the good old days.

but grant scored a touchdown really late in the game... it really broke all our hearts, but we didn't give up hope--

well, my group didnt anyway. a bunch of people in front of us started to leave and i just got mad and yelled, with my voice almost totally gone, "Why are you leaving!?? There's still time on the clock left!" and then I yelled, "Don't give up!!"

and then behind me, martin yelled it too. and suddenly we started chanting, "Don't give up! Don't give up!" and then the band joined in, the rest of the crowd joined in.

for a few beautiful seconds the crowd and the football team were almost fighting together, everyone was doing their part for the school

it was just so nice seeing everyone, standing up and hoping for the same nice thing to happen, just a simple wish that verdugo wins-- i was sorta tearing up really. it had been so long since the school showed that kind of spirit. i was just really happy to be part of something like that

thats why it didnt matter to me so much that we lost. it was the most fun game i've been to, even from the ones we've won. the players played their hearts out, and the cheerleaders and fans cheered their hearts out-- i've totally lost my voice and proud of it.

i still got that dons pride =]



oh jeez, homecoming tomorrow.. i wonder how it'll be?? TK brought me a blazer that fits, he saved my life. i really wouldnt be caught dead in that monkey suit with the giant shoulder pads my cousin let me borrow. i'd look like a little kid pretending to be a grownup..

AcaDeca Field Trip

So today was AcaDeca's field trip to the Civic Center in Bakersfield.

It was awesome! It was a day of doing absolutely nothing, I loved it.

The whole point in going there was to watch a live orchestra of these songs we've been studying for the competition-- and seriously, they were all 1000 times better live than on the CD.

Except for the brand new cha cha, which the singer sort of ruined, and aria.

aria is an opera song, it's so sad, and thought provoking. even though i didnt find it as good live, i was still really fixated by it. i was so into the song.

but brandon and kevin poking each other and writing lewd things brought me crashing back to earth. sadly i was sitting between them XD

but without them it would have been soooo boring. we were the rowdiest and coolest group there no doubt =]




today i also submitted my scary story to mr. reimer. i hope i did well! i was suprised he remembered me. i was in yesterday to ask him about the word limit. i hate word limits....


and shit, homecoming is coming up. ahhhhh should i go??? its ALOT of money!! =/

i'm an obama.... papa?

i really love discussing politics in class.

especially when that ONE guy who has the WORST arguments in the world speaks up.

it gives me a chance to practice my rhetoric with. really. i mean, i really have to give him credit though, for having a different opinion in a sea of people with opposite opinions, and going toe to toe with the sub on politics.

also i have to condemn the sub for calling mr. mccain a "bad soldier" and all that. the man is a hero, and personally i was completely insulted, myself, when he said "sure, being a POW 'sucks'"

being a POW sucks.

i'm 100% for obama but disrespect like that is completely unnecessary. the man was tortured for what? four years? and when he gets his chance to go home, he refuses and demands that the prisoners captured before him be sent home first. it really is incredible, and i have the utmost respect for him


that's why i have to applaud mr. mccain for talking down all the lather mouthed hicks he's fired up with accusations of obama being a terrorist and what not .

when i see REAL people on t.v. say, on the microphone, in front of thousands of people in a tent or MILLIONS on a t.v. say something completely ridiculous like, "im afraid of obama because he is an arab", it depresses and sickens me. i despise ignorant people like that.

i dont understand how people can be so uninformed, or so content to fatten themselves up with unfounded and ridiculous assumptions. its something so alien to me; that people can hear one thing and accept it, unquestioningly. its also a little bit scary.

october 10

today, after third at the student store, i was telling a friend how i couldn't go to homecoming on a count of i don't have a date

so another friend [jokingly] started asking random people if they wanted to go with me.

it was pretty crude, really. it was funny though, i guess.





also, i'm getting annoyed with all these vulgarities and boyish displays of manliness, but i guess thats part of being a teenage boy?

still, i'd like to go a day without hearing "fuck" or "cock", or someone laughing at adjectives like "big" or "long" or "little", or getting slapped or something while everyone else is trying to be serious.

i mean, i definitely don't want anyone to change who they are but when its at the point where i'm doing something like giving advice or asking if they did the homework or something and i just get "fuck you, you fucking cock" or "fucking bitch do you wanna fight?" or "you my bitch" its just a bit too much. i mean, can we not talk like normal people without extreme vulgarity like that? is it just not possible anymore?

i get its a joke and everything, but it makes it hard to talk to people, and it just isnt pleasant. it makes it hard for me to enjoy conversation.

although i think on some level i must just deserve it though.